Excellent Editing

After reviewing my TED Talk in class with classmates, and my teacher, I have discovered what is missing from my speech and what I can change in my speech to make it the best it can be.  Some of these things include developing a hook, having a clearer and more profound takeaway. 

Before today, I really had no hook at the beginning of my speech.  A hook is something that is used to grab the reader attention.  I started my speech by saying that I am a native american.  However, this is not something that is interesting for the reader to hear to truly grab their attention.  Instead, I edited the beginning of my speech and included a more interactive hook for the audience by saying: "Here at Cheshire Academy we have so many resources like our newly updated library with a vast variety of books, mac book computers, SMART boards, large supply of textbooks, our school portal, and projectors to show our powerpoint presentations.  Do you ever consider what our education would be like without these resources?  The most basic of native american schools on indian reservations do not have these things.  They don't have advanced technology that we are privileged to have in this modern technology-run world. "  By changing my hook, I now interact with my audience more and have a more interesting start to my TED talk about the problem of native american education. 

Secondly, I was told by peers that my takeaway was too broad and wasn't clear enough.  A takeaway should sum of the purpose of the whole TED talk.  In addition, the takeaway should give the audience something to contemplate.  I agreed that the take away in my TED talk wasn't very strong.  Therefore, I changed the takeaway of my speech to give an overview of a native american's life.  Then, I ended my TED talk expressing that "If this TED talk has impacted the way you look at Native Americans, then donate to the Native American Rights Fund and help these less fortunate people to live a better life, get a better education, and have more of an opportunity for success."  By saying this, I invited people to help the native americans and donate money toward a well-deserved cause, and I persuaded the audience to think about whether they wanted to help.

Overall, I would say that to make my TED talk better, these were the two things that I had to change.  Now that I have edited and changed them, my TED talk is more interesting for the audience to listen two.  Without a good hook and a good takeaway, a TED talk isn't complete.  The hook and the takeaway are two of the most important aspects of a speech and should be as strong as possible to help develop a great TED talk.